Immediate
New York, NY
Wednesday, July 28
7:00 pm Launch Event
Book Court
163 Court Street
Brooklyn, NY 11201
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Philadelphia, PA
Thursday, July 29
7:30 pm Reading and Signing
Free Library of Philadelphia
1901 Vine Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103
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Portland, OR
Tuesday. August 3
7:30 pm Reading and Signing
Powell’s Bookstore
1005 West Burnside Street
Portland, OR 97209
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Seattle-Tacoma, WA
Wednesday, August 4
7:00 pm Reading and Signing
Elliott Bay Book Company
1521 10th Avenue
Seattle, WA 98122
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Brooklyn, NY
Tuesday, August 24
7:30 pm Reading and Signing
Greenlight Bookstore
686 Fulton Street
Brooklyn, NY 11217
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New York, NY
Wednesday, August 25
12:30 pm Reading Series in Bryant Park
Bryant Park Reading Series
Bryant Park 500 5th Avenue
With Wesley Stace
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Los Angeles, CA
Wednesday, September 1
7:30 pm Reading and Signing
Skylight Books
1818 North Vermont Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90027
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San Francisco, CA
Thursday, September 2
7:30 pm Reading and Signing
Kepler’s Books
1010 El Camino Real
Menlo Park, CA 94025
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Berkeley, CA
Friday, September 3
7:00 pm Reading and Signing
Books, Inc.
1760 Fourth Street
Berkeley, CA
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Seattle, WA
Sunday, September 5
Sept. 4-6 Bumbershoot
Details to Come
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Boston, MA
Tuesday, September 14
7:00 pm Reading and Signing
Newtonville Books
296 Walnut Street
Newton, MA 02460
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Bryn Mawr, PA
Thursday, September 16
Lecture
Bryn Mawr
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Washington, DC
Tuesday, September 21
7:00 pm Fall for the Book
George Mason University
Event with Jennifer Egan to fiction students
Fall for the Book Festival
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Tucson, AZ
Thursday, September 23
University of Arizona at Tucson
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Burlington, VT
Saturday, September 25
Fall for the Book
Burlington Book Festival
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New York, NY
Thursday, October 21
100th Episode
Literary Death Match
Details to Come
The Four Fingers of Death
The Four Fingers of Death: A Novel (July, 2010)
Excerpt: The Proper Exercise of Power
From the flaps:
“Montese Crandall is a downtrodden writer whose rare collection of baseball cards won’t sustain him, financially or emotionally, through the grave illness of his wife. Luckily, he swindles himself a job churning out a novelization of the 2025 remake of a 1963 horror classic, The Crawling Hand. Crandall tells therein of the United States, in a bid to regain global eminence, launching at last its doomed manned mission to the desolation of Mars. Three space pods with nine Americans on board travel three months, expecting to spend three years as the planet’s first colonists. When a secret mission to retrieve a flesh-eating bacterium for use in bio-warfare in uncovered, mayhem ensues.”
“Only a lonely human arm (missing its middle finger) returns to Earth, crash-landing in the vast Sonoran Desert of Arizona. The arm may hold the secret to reanimation or it may simply be an infectious killing machine. In the ensuing days, it crawls through the heartbroken wasteland of a civilization at its breaking point, economically and culturally — a dystopia of lowlife, emigration from America, and laughable lifestyle alternatives.”
“The Four Fingers of Death is a stunningly inventive, sometimes hilarious, monumental novel. It will delight admirers of comic masterpieces like Slaughterhouse-Five, The Crying of Lot 49, and Catch-22.”
Literary
Garden State: A Novel (1992)
The first novel written by Rick Moody follows a group of friends in Haledon, New Jersey, through one spring in their rocky passage toward adulthood. They are out of school, trying to start a band, trying to find work — looking for something to do in the degraded terrain of their suburban hometown. Garden State captures the lyricism of stark lives in an intense and unforgettable story of friendship and betrayal.
The Ice Storm (1994)
The year is 1973. As a freak winter storm bears down on an exclusive, affluent suburb in Connecticut, cars skid out of control, men and women swap partners, and their children experiment with sex, drugs, and even suicide. Here two families, the Hoods and the Williamses, com face-to-face with the seething emotions behind the well-clipped lawns of their lives — in a novel widely hailed as a funny, acerbic, and moving hymn to a dazed and confused era of American life.
Purple America (1997)
The story of Hex Radcliffe, a New York City publicist with a stutter, a drinking problem, and a terminally ill mother, who is summoned home to suburban Connecticut and finds himself confronting explosive circumstances and obstacles of comically epic proportions. As the novel unfolds in the course of a single weekend, Purple America lays bare the passions, delusions, and dreams of the American family.
Joyful Noise: The New Testament Revisited (1997)
Twenty-one American writers approach “The Greatest Story Ever Told” with a fresh eye toward its meaning for today. Seeking to reconcile their experiences growing up in the baby boom and Generation X years with their political beliefs and the fractious ethics of the late twentieth century, the writers represented in this collection have looked back to the source text of Christianity. Their essays, which offer interpretations of the New Testament that are eye-opening, passionate, and powerful, will be a source of reassurance and inspiration to anyone who has felt the need to approach spirituality in a personal or unorthodox way.
Demonology (2000)
Moody writes with equal force about the blithe energies of youth (“Boys”) and the rueful onset of middle age (“Hawaiian Night”), about midwestern optimists (“The Double Zero”) and West Coast strategists (“On the Carousel”), about visionary exhilaration (“Forecast from the Retail Desk”) and delusional catharsis (“Surplus Value Books: Catalog Number 13”).
The Black Veil: A Memoir with Digressions (2002)
In this searing, brilliantly acclaimed memoir, Rick Moody reveals how a decade of alcohol, drugs, and other indulgences led him not to the palace of wisdom but to a psychiatric hospital in one of New York’s less exalted boroughs. An inspired portrait of what it means to be young and confused, older and confused, guilty, lost, and finally healed.
The Diviners (2005)
During one month in the autumn of election year 2000, scores of movie-business strivers are focused on one goal: getting a piece of an elusive, but surely huge, television saga, the one that opens with Huns sweeping through Mongolia and closes with a Mormon diviner in the Las Vegas desert; the sure-to-please-everyone multigenerational TV miniseries about diviners, those miracle workers who bring water to perpetually thirsty (and hungry and love-starved) humankind. A cautionary tale about pointless ambition, and a richly detailed look at the interlocking worlds of money, politics, addiction, sex, work, and family in modern America.
Right Livelihoods: Three Novellas (2007)
At the center of “The Omega Force,” the first of three novellas, is a buffoonish former government official in rocky recovery. Dr. “Jamie” Van Deusen is determined to protect his habitat from “dark complected” foreign nationals. His patriotism and wild imagination are mainly fueled by a fall off the wagon. The collection’s second novella concerns a lonely young office manager at an insurance agency, where the office suggestion box is yielding unpleasant messages that escalate to a scary pitch. The book ends with a cataclysmic vision of New York City, after the leveling of 50 square blocks of Manhattan.
Auditory
Listen:
Empire
by Rick Moody, with Nina Katchadourian and Nadje Noordhuis (2007)
Never Ever Fall
by the Wingdale Community Singers (2008)
Astronaut Food
by Rick Moody (lyrics by Jonathan Lethem) (2008)
Rick Moody's Remix
by Mount Mole (2010)
Links:
The Wingdale Community Singers:
On Facebook
Scarlet Shame Records
CD Baby
The Wingdale Community Singers (Plain Recordings, 2005)

Spirit Duplicator (Scarlet Shame Records, 2009)

Rick Moody solo:
Rick Moody And One Ring Zero (Isota Records, 1999)

The Darkness Is Good (Dainty Rubbish) — forthcoming
Authros (with John Wesley Harding): One (PopOver) — forthcoming
Cinematic
Video of The Wingdale Community Singers:
The Return of the Wingdale Community Singers
Video of the Author:
Biographical
Rick Moody was born in New York City. He attended Brown and Columbia universities. His first novel, Garden State, was the winner of the 1991 Editor’s Choice Award from the Pushcart Press and was published in 1992. The Ice Storm was published in May 1994 by Little, Brown and Company. Foreign editions have been published in twenty countries. (A film version, directed by Ang Lee, was released by Fox Searchlight in 1997, and won best screenplay at the Cannes Film Festival.) A collection of short fiction, The Ring of Brightest Angels Around Heaven was also published by Little, Brown in August 1995. The title story was the winner of the 1994 Aga Khan Award from The Paris Review. Moody’s third novel, Purple America, was published in April 1997. Foreign editions have appeared widely. An anthology, edited with Darcey Steinke, Joyful Noise: The New Testament Revisited, also appeared in November 1997. In 1998, Moody received the Addison Metcalf Award from the American Academy of Arts and Letters. In 2000, he received a Guggenheim fellowship. In 2001, he published a collection of short fiction, Demonology, also published in Spain, France, Brazil, Germany, Holland, Portugal, Italy, the United Kingdom, and elsewhere. In May of 2002, Little, Brown and Company issued The Black Veil: A Memoir with Digressions, which was a winner of the NAMI/Ken Book Award, and the PEN Martha Albrand prize for excellence in the memoir. His novel The Diviners appeared in 2005, and won the Mary Shelley Award from the Media Ecology Association. That novel was followed by Right Livelihoods: Three Novellas in 2007. His new novel, The Four Fingers of Death, will be published in 2010. His short fiction and journalism have been anthologized in Best American Stories 2001, Best American Essays 2004, Best American Essays 2008, Year’s Best Science Fiction #9, Year’s Best Fantasy, and, multiply, in the Pushcart Prize anthology. His radio pieces have appeared on The Next Big Thing, Re:Sound, Weekend America, Morning Edition, and at the Third Coast International Audio Festival. His album Rick Moody and One Ring Zero was released in 2004, and The Wingdale Community Singers, in which he plays and write lyrics, have released two albums, the most recent of which is Spirit Duplicator (2009). Moody was a member of the board of directors of the Corporation of Yaddo from 1999 to 2004. From 2005 to 2006 he was secretary of the PEN American Center. He also co-founded the Young Lions Book Award at the New York Public Library. He has taught at the State University of New York at Purchase, the Bennington College Writing Seminars, the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, the New York Writers Institute, and the New School for Social Research. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.
Hagiographical
“In his dense, provocative and often hilarious ninth book, Rick Moody takes a sly, Swiftian approach to sci-fi, serving up a goofy B-movie-style space opera…his energy and sheer inventiveness make The Four Fingers of Death an original and exhilarating read.” – NPR.org
“Moody’s powers of invention, his ease in his own prose, his ability to develop interesting characters — in short, his enormous gifts as a writer — are on full display here.” – New York Times Book Review
“a comic, grim, tender and masterful novel…[it highlights] Moody’s gift for being as thoughtful as he is entertaining.” – Bloomberg.com
“It’s a book about love and longing, husbands grieving over dying wives, disconnected parents and lost children, sadness and confusion…packed with elaborately inventive plotlines… This is how Moody gets you: He takes the inane and makes it sincere…the setting is classic sci-fi, but he manages to say something simple, meditative and profound… there’s something valuable there, something permanent.” – Associated Press
“Complex and imaginative…a zesty satire, a sprawling epic with one eye on today’s headlines and another eye (biometric eye, no doubt) on the future.” – Dallas Morning News
“Moves with unapologetic swagger, as it flaunts the extremes of storytelling…Moody’s foremost accomplishment.” – Bookslut.com
“Moody uncorked, slyly going back to the wordy, toothsome, 19th century novel, with a science-fiction twist.” – Los Angeles Times
“Entertaining and often poignant, probing the limits of technology, consciousness, and language in the face of grief.” – The New Yorker
“[An] important piece of conceptual art…” – St. Louis Post-Dispatch
“Rick Moody is one of the most prodigiously talented writers in America.” – Brooke Allen, Wall Street Journal
“Moody makes sure we know when the laughs should hurt…never puts a foot wrong.” – New York Times
“Moody… might be best known for his Connecticut novel, The Ice Storm, but his fiction is widely varied in form and setting, and his new novel, The Four Fingers of Death…promises to be his wildest and best book yet.” – Boston Globe
Interactive
Contact Information:
For Publicity Inquiries:
Liz Garriga
Little, Brown and Company
212-364-1292
Elizabeth.Garriga@hbgusa.com
For Speaking Inquiries:
Alison Granucci
Blue Flower Arts
845.677.8559
alison@blueflowerarts.com
Literary Agent:
Melanie Jackson
250 West 57th Street
Suite 1119
New York, NY 10019
Rick Moody, Life Coach
Writing constitutes an amazing way to spend your time, it is true, and why, you ask, would I have a dream of becoming a life coach, when I could just continue on in the present way, working on books? I have no response to this question other than the fact that my mother always suggested I should have something to fall back on. I always ignored this advice. However, especially in dark economic times, maybe it’s not such a bad idea. When I was young, I figured — if writing failed — I would be an arbitrageur, or a stockbroker of some kind, and then later, in college, I figured I would be a philosopher, or a psychoanalyst, perhaps a Jungian psychoanalyst. Then I thought maybe a librarian. But lately, I think that I would like to be a life coach.
I am not exactly sure what degree programs one needs to pursue in order to lay claim to the job description of life coach, but I bet the other Rick Moody (the basketball coach, usually associated with the University of Alabama women’s basketball program) has put in more of those classroom hours than I have. He, at least, can do the motivational speaking circuit based on his experiences on the court. My experiences have mainly been at the typewriter or word processor, a place where I am normally very alone. And yet I refuse to allow these things to stop me. Nor will I allow the grim facts of my own life — addiction, mental health problems, childhood in the suburbs — prevent me from realizing my dream. Those who can’t do, teach, it is said. Or else they can run for public office.
And so: while my website is not a site in which there are going to be many direct responses from me to direct queries lodged, there are spots here, and elsewhere online, where those with an urgent need may find someone who can find me, and if there are those of you out there who are in dire need, who require advice, I say bring it on. Bring on your problems. Bring on your lamentable instances of petty envy. Bring on your shoplifting addiction. Bring on your major depression. Bring on your head injury. Bring on your apraxia, or your Waldenstrom’s macroglobulinemia. Bring on your alchemical obsession. Bring on your hopes and fears and joys and frustrations. My idea of literature, as I have often said, is that it should save lives. My idea of literature is that it once did save lives, and was of consequence in that way. I believe it can do so again. With every book, to the best of my ability, I try to put this belief in action, even if, as in some of the recent books, the best way to save lives is to cause laughter. Bring on your problems, and I will listen, and bear witness, and when the occasion permits, I will respond, according to certain general rules, on this page, in this hope that here too words may be redemptive.
Dear Shit Gone South
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I just can’t seem to get my shit together since everything went south. What’s next?
Sincerely, Richard.
Dear Richard,
Before I get to answering specific questions such as yours, I want readers of this page to know that I recently composed not one but two short stories by gluing together answers to questions I solicited from friends. Advice stories! In that case, the respondent, the answerer, was an small-town advice columnist guy, who, in the course of responding actually went belly up. He deceased, that is, though this did not stop the flow of advice. At some point, these wholly fictional stories will turn up in a book, I suspect, a book possibly entitled Stories With Advice. I don’t want you (or any of the others who are reading this deep into the web site) to imagine that those stories, when they finally appear, are somehow influenced by this experience, the experience of Rick Moody, Life Coach. On the contrary, my regular life is always influenced by my fiction, not vice versa. My advice, here, in this specific locale, is shot through with my experience as a writer of fiction, and not much else. I am not really good at anything else, but the fiction writing. So my advice is confined thereto. It orbits around my experience as reader and writer.
That said, let me address your specific question. You are using fecal imagery to describe your life, Richard, and leaving the aside the issue that I too occasionally use fecal imagery to describe my own life, I wonder why this locution is so popular. What is it about “shit” that should be “together?” Why do we find this so compelling as a way of thinking about life? Why shouldn’t life, or our “shit,” be more apart, less coherent? I personally kind of like the unruly and predictable course of events when I am not controlling these events, and I find, in those moments, that the sense of not having to make orderly what is naturally disorderly is much more to my taste. So the first thing I would advise, if I were any good at advising, would be that you stop thinking of your life’s work as “shit,” and second that you stop attempting to assemble this “shit.” Which then brings me to everything “going south.” Again, I have used “going south” as a synonym for abject failure often in my own life, and I suppose that I have because I have mixed feelings about travelling into the often conservative regions of the Deep South. Would you still say your “shit” had “gone south” if you lived in New Zealand? Then you’d be talking about the South Island, which is actually a really beautiful place, and nothing like, let’s say, Tuscaloosa. I think we should try to recast the South in a way that is not so glum, as regards the colloquial usages thereof. If you purge the “shit,” the shit needing to be “together,” and the idea that “going South” is somehow to be avoided, then where are we with your question? Then you might be asking: Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach, life is unpredictable, what to do? To which I would answer: avoid prediction!
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life Coach
Dear Dying Alone
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I have a gnawing suspicion that I will be dying alone. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that everyone I know ends up leaving me. Perhaps it is because I live alone with seven cats. Perhaps I am helplessly neurotic. Perhaps it is because I live like a hermit and cry a lot. Nonetheless, this is my gnawing suspicion. What say ye, Rick Moody, Life Coach? Do you think I will be dying alone? Is this a question you can answer? Or have I mistaken you for psychic Sylvia Browne?
Sincerely, Possibly Dying Alone With Many Cats
Dear Possibly,
Who doesn’t die alone? Everyone dies alone. Death is nothing but one big glaring example of aloneness. Doesn’t matter if you are surrounded by a large family, or by a large supply of cats, you step over that threshold by yourself, and no one can do it for you. Not even Romeo and Juliet managed to figure out how to do that part together. Given that this is the case, why is dying in the company of others so absolutely essential? A good question to ask would be, statistically speaking, how many people actually get to avoid dying alone, if by not dying alone we mean in the company of someone who can hold their hand whispering, It’s okay to let go! Probably not as many as you would think, Possibly. Especially when you factor in the numbers of people who either die in their sleep or in assisted living institutions where they are not at all surrounded by loved ones, but by other elderly people of whom they know precious little. The whole fact of death, I will agree, is fearsome and hard to take. Entire religious traditions are built upon the anxiety with which we ponder that passage. But when you grapple with the idea that even your most social friends (I assume you have a few) are liable to die in circumstances not entirely different from yours (at least you have the cats), then what is it that is really bothering you? I suspect that the real question here is buried in the line: “Perhaps it is because I live like a hermit and cry a lot.” Why live like that? I ask. Because you do not seem as though you really want to live like a hermit, or that is my surmise, based upon the tone of the letter as a whole. And yet you have apparently elected to live that way. Was it Tillich who said: if you would be loved, make yourself loveable? I remember finding this passage really challenging as a teenager, because I believed, as a teenager would, that love should be unconditional, that that was the only pure love. I believed I should therefore be loved just as I was (as an arrogant, insolent, lazy, rebellious, unkempt, poorly groomed, garbage head of a teenager). However: there is no unconditional love in this world, just as there is no dying other than dying alone. And if there is no unconditional love, it follows that you might create conditions in which you, Possibly, were more loveable. In which you did not have to live like a hermit and cry. My idea of the brave journey of life, is this: that life is for being vulnerable and open. That does not mean open and vulnerable about attacking other people for their shortcomings and inadequacies; it means open and vulnerable to our own frailties and the frailties of others. Compassion follows upon this openness and, in my experience, friends and community flow in the direction of compassion. Community above and beyond cats flows in this direction, though I am in no way judging cats. Maybe you should try getting out of the house. And letting in the great unwashed out there.
And thanks for the excellent question!
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
Dear Angry Hegelian
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
We are at the end of the World Cup and I have to be honest, I didn’t give a shit about it. I had to bite my tongue for a whole month, stay my hand every time I felt like writing a Facebook status update about how annoying everyone’s online cheering about the World Cup was. Even though the tournament will be over soon, my lack of caring about the World Cup has made me question my humanity. Am I human if I don’t give a shit about soccer players or national pride? Is there anything I can do to feel less alienated by such a stupid, long sporting event so I can prepare for the World Cup in 2014?
Sincerely, An Angry Hegelian
Dear Angry Hegelian,
I confess that the part of the letter that interests me most is your name. In what way exactly would I consider you a Hegelian? My understanding of the term, which mostly derives from too many hours laboring over Jacques Derrida in my youth, would suggest a dialectical view of history and philosophy. I am now going to go check online sources on the subject of Hegel and make sure my superficial understanding of the issues is accurate.
Okay, I am now feeling (having read up a bit) that it is not too rude and reductive to think that a Hegelian would have a “dialectical view of history and philosophy.” But why angry? And what does it mean to be angry and to have a dialectical view of history and philosophy? Does it mean that you are spurning the collapsed dialectics of later German philosophy — Nietzsche, e.g.? Does it mean that the international cultural politics being worked out in the soccer stadiums of the World Cup somehow force you into an unwanted dialectical view of history?
Of course, Angry Hegelian, you should like or dislike with complete commitment. You ought never feel remorseful about honest inclinations or disinclinations — life is too short. On the other hand, I have noticed that a certain political talk show host of the extremely right wing sort has recently made a point very similar to yours about the World Cup, and I’m wondering if, on that basis, you are feeling guilty, because your views are in accord with his? I, for one, would feel bad on that basis. Now, if we’re talking about nationalism, and about the kind of nationalism that seems to adhere to the World Cup (and to the Olympics), I couldn’t agree more with your note. Nationalism is a small-minded pursuit; it is, in fact, the refuge of scoundrels. Myself, I rooted for Ghana this time, because they were plucky, and because I wanted to see an African team dominate. (Alas not!) But I took no interest in the United States team, and this is true despite the fact (full disclosure) that I played soccer rather seriously in my youth (left wing, as it was called in those days).
The condition much to be avoided in this difficult and complex life is the condition of meta-worry. The worry about whether or not we ought to be worrying. That’s just autophagy. If you don’t want to watch the World Cup, don’t watch it, and let the fans go about their business happily. In the time that others are wasting in sports bars, you could, say, write a short story, or paint a canvas. Or you could just watch baseball.
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
Dear Lily B.
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I’m not certain a “life-coach” is the exact type of coach I’m searching for at the moment. I guess what I’m after is more of a “loss-coach”. Since you’ve written so often and so beautifully about loss over the years, would you be willing to switch hats for a moment from “life coach” to “loss-coach”?
Last year I lost someone very close to me. The cause was directly related to long-term addiction. Through grieving, I faced my own problems with addiction. It was with some difficulty and a whole lot of pain, I took steps and made some major life changes. There has been fallout — a great deal of fallout — from some of the decisions I made, resulting in more painful loss. Now endured without the benefit of any anesthesia.
I am fortunate enough to be able to work with a good therapist and have had amazing support from others in recovery. What’s been happening — and I don’t think this is uncommon — is that I’m getting my memories back, and some really awful stuff is coming to the surface. It’s sort of like the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico: more and more black sludge keeps spilling out, more birds and fish keep dying, people try to help, but they ultimately end up recoiling when they see how bad and unpleasant things really are. And it stinks. I guess BP managed to put a cap on the valve this week. But the devastation is still out there. The loss is unfathomable. BP may say they are sorry, but they’ll never take full responsibility. It’s hard to imagine anything good will ever come out of it. I’m in a program where service and patience are emphasized. I’m fine with the service part — it helps; it feels good to work with others in the same boat. But I’m running out of patience. With most of the people I was once tethered to gone, there’s just not a lot keeping me here anymore.
This dark night of the soul has gone on a really long time. It’s like an Icelandic winter.
Kind regards,
Lily B.
Dear Lily B.,
I am honored that you’d send this note to me, when there are so many other people who are probably more qualified than I am. Before I say anything: I urge you to continue pursuing these issues on those other more professional fronts as well. Meanwhile, as probably many who would visit this web site already know, I had a great helping of problems in my twenties, and in the course of this bad patch I spent a little time in a very good private psychiatric facility in Hollis, Queens. Much of the useful information I have at hand (for nearly any situation) I learned there. Two things spring to mind from that time, with respect to the pain you describe: 1) proceed with every methodology available. Because you never know what’s going to work — so therapy, self-help, church, friends, square-dancing, whatever allows you some time and distance from grief and the obsession with it. It’s all worth trying. The other really good bit of advice from the psych ward is 2) don’t spend so much time alone. In the hospital we were never allowed to be alone — it was considered untherapeutic. You can’t learn anything alone in your room, if by learning we are meaning intuiting, intrapsychic feeling, and managing the kinds of normative behavior that enable one to be a happy and productive member of society. After a sequence of days in which I was kicked out of my room each morning, I found that I improved, and in the course of improving I decided that the one thing I really wanted, turns out, was to be a person among people, and not a terribly unique person, a regular guy.
It is true that the masses of men (the masses of humankind) are often broken, self-obsessed, hypocritical, and do not live up to whatever ideals they happen to be spouting in any particular period. These things are true and, in the idealistic view, they are lamentable. On the other hand, human civilization is finally all we have, and without it, we are back in the room alone, being untherapeutic. Freud speaks in, I think, Mourning and Melancholia, about the great truths that come from unhappy people, and the high costs that make these truths possible. Is it really worth it? I have often felt, in my middle age, that I would, in fact, rather be happy than right, at least if those are my only choices. Being right about the undependability of life, the hypocrisy of it, the difficulty of it, gets you little, except scorn, and loneliness. Being able to move past these things, forgiving the pitiable humans for being pitiable and human, gets you a great deal. Love, for one. For who would not rather be accepted than judged ill? Many things change in the cauldron of grief and loss, this is undeniable, and one must go through rapid convolutions and metamorphoses there. To me it sounds as though you are simply changing faster than you know how to manage. And perhaps friends and trusted confidantes are drifting off, because they are not up to the challenges that you exemplify right now. That’s fine, ultimately, even if it stings a little. I expect that new people, ones who are more amenable to the new shape of your life, will appear to take up the slack.
What would be a reason to stick around? Are you asking me? I suspect, Lily B., that in the recent past, perhaps with the family member you allude to, you have seen the costs of self-destruction played out among those left behind, and you yourself are giving eloquent voice to that legacy in your note. Ergo, any such sentence as “there’s just not a lot keeping me here anymore,” is, first of all, a tiny bit selfish, because it leaves out the collateral damage of doing otherwise to the near and dear, even those from whom you are temporarily estranged. But, more importantly, if you elect to recoil from life in the way some people do in your circumstances, there are many great things that you will miss: autumn in Northern New England, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, contemporary literature, any future tour by Leonard Cohen, really good chocolate, choral music, fresh maple syrup, pie, sunset over water, the Aurora Borealis, the growing-up of the children in your circle. Why not let these dazzle you while you await the strength to be able to deal with the rest of life, with the rest of the pitiable humans.
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
Dear Making Problems
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I have a longstanding issue with the idea that everything happens for a reason. It makes me particularly insane when people say it in what seems to be a sort of blithe way, and furthermore, that they know what the reason is. I’ve never been sure if it drives me crazy because I wholeheartedly disagree based on the (seeming/obvious) senselessness of some of the brutalities of life, or if I’m just envious that anyone seems certain of anything, or if there is some truth to it. There have been enough instances of events occurring in my life that I can find meaning in, that seem just to fall just outside the parameters of ‘random,’ for me to question whether I believe that at least some things happen for a reason, or whether I believe that things just happen and it’s up to us individually to find meaning in them, or not. (Is that clear, or only in my own head?)
I suppose I could have made this question simpler by just asking, Does everything happen for a reason, or not, and either way, how do we know?
Yours,
Making Problems Where There May Be None
Dear Making Problems,
I believe what you are asking about is the Parking Space God, existence or non-existence thereof. Many is the time, in my years of living in the alternate universe known as Self-Help, that I have heard someone boasting about having found a parking space right in front of the building (whatever building it is, the building in which they sought aid and counsel), in the course of which this someone then leaped to believe that their appearance on the premises was ordained by God, ordained precisely by a Parking Space God, who not only has time to pull the strings in many other areas, many more important areas, but who apparently has in past, present, and future, entire divisions of minions given over to making sure that the Elect have proper spaces in which to allow their dented jalopies to cool.
In fact, if I’m being completely honest (and what sort of Life Coach should be anything but), I went through a period of this myself, in the first couple of years after I got out of the psychiatric hospital and began to right the craft of my life somewhat, in which I was myself a believer in the Parking Space God. Yes, it was true, things were going a lot better, and I was not getting into the same kinds of trouble I had in the past. Yes, it was true, whereas people had on occasion steered around me before, now they seemed to enjoy my company, at least on occasion. Yes, it was true, in general that there seemed to be a good orderly direction to the way things were going, and, most of the time, if I needed parking space, or the equivalent (by which I mean the trivial needs of life), a parking space appeared. Things seemed pretty good.
Until my sister died.
I expect that this is the kind of calamity you are alluding to above. It is true that some others of my acquaintance have been through worse things. But for me, this was plenty bad enough, and it was a lot worse, a lot harder, on others I care about, on my sister’s children, for example, who were in the front row for this hardship. They had to grow up with the scars, with the hardship. And while, in a certain way of thinking about theology, it might be that god (I’m deliberately lower-casing here) pre-formatted creation with such horrors already written in, especially if you read C. S. Lewis’s not entirely helpful The Problem of Pain, it’s more likely, as my cousin said at my sister’s memorial service: God does not cause these things to happen, God allows these things to happen. I think my cousin was trying to describe his own grief about my sister’s death, and trying to help the rest of us. It didn’t help me then, and in the fifteen years later, I have only begun to scratch the surface of this sentence. I now find it interesting, if not comforting entirely.
It would seem, therefore, that the Parking Space God does not control random, unforeseeable deaths, and the trauma associated with them. Or, if those things do happen for a reason, the reason that they happen is hard to fathom, and unimaginable for those of us who live here on earth. Therefore: either one had better imagine a much more cogent theology (which would certainly be my choice) than the one indicated by the adherents of the Parking Space God, or one had better conclude that there are no reasons at all, there are only our daily rounds, and the mix of good and bad contained there. I have no problem with atheists and agnostics believing that all is happenstance and human will is the only agency, or with concluding on the basis of this or that example of genocide that there can be no theology of a workable sort at all. I just wish they would not get up in my face. The same can be said of the adherents of the religion of the Parking Space God. They are just as intolerant of those who disagree.
I suspect, as in so many other areas of life, that there must be a middle way. I suspect that the middle way, and its middle roads, is the place to dwell. And I bet you have found this as well, or else you might not have posed the question in the first place. Rest serenely in this intelligence of yours, Making Problems, you are onto something.
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
Dear Size Four
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I met someone just about a year ago. We dated for three awesome months and then he moved to Mexico City for a job. We tried to keep the relationship going, but six months later I broke up with him because we didn’t really seem to have much to say to each other anymore and I wasn’t clear on when he was returning. Guess what? Two weeks after we broke up he started dating a younger American chick who also has the exact same high profile academic background as he does, also living in Mexico City, also likes bad music like Jason Mraz and show tunes. He then announced that he is moving back to Philly in August, one year after he left—and I think she is moving back to the States also. I still think about him every day. I think about the other chick every day too. It’s awful. I’ve never regretted breaking up with someone. I fear I will regret this for the rest of my life, and yet I also don’t think we are “meant to be” in the sense that he doesn’t like Woody Allen films nor is he very culturally literate (he is an economist). I also fear telling him how I feel and him saying that he got over me when I dumped him (something he has hinted at in email). What do I do, aside for pay $150/session in therapy?
Sincerely,
At Least My Lost Appetite Means I’m A Size 4
Dear Size Four,
Any letter that contains the words “I fear I will regret this for the rest of my life” is a melancholy letter. Maybe it’s because I have used these words before myself, and I know that it is not easy to type them out. Maybe it’s because anyone who uses the words “I fear I will regret this for the rest of my life” engages in an uncommon amount of reflection, because, I believe, most of our colleagues in the journey of life never regret much, or, if they do, they avoid admitting it. Politically and professionally, copping to regret is the sign of weakness, and as goes our so-called leadership, so go the better part of our peers. Therefore: admitting to regret is one of the bravest things a person can do these days. It’s especially radical in this psychic landscape of would-be invulnerability. It’s not weak, in fact, it’s surpassingly strong. Therefore, let me say, I too have regrets. Lots of them. Sometimes I am kept awake by regrets.
However, what is it that you think you regret here? I think the regret in this letter hinges on the use of the words “meant to be,” and on whether “meant to be,” even if not exactly the case with this economist fellow, is somehow language that one should entertain, at all, or aspire to, in the area of relationships. “Meant to be,” along with that other usage that sounds even more monotheistic to me, “the one,” as in “maybe he’s the one,” is, I think, extremely unhelpful language. “Meant to be” lists in the direction of magical thinking. The implication of “meant to be” is that there is an order to how relationships go in our lives, and this order is toward one slab of monogamous relationship which will render all others irrelevant. Now, I am not at all against a personal life that prizes intimacy and the practice of greater and more rewarding evocations of the intimate; nor do I think monogamy is problematic for the great majority of persons, who tend to operate like swans, and that’s fine, swans are pretty, if ornery. And yet I have a problem with the idea that simply because you spend your life on a partner this partner is somehow “meant to be” or is somehow “the one.” In fact, according to my view, “love” is almost exclusively a verb. Love is a way that you act upon a person, not a resting state. “In love,” a particularly effervescent bromide among the usages of love, is sort of ridiculous, the way I see it. I do not tend to think of “in love” as referring to much. Whereas “love,” the verb, is so rich. “I loved her. I love him.” These are beautiful sentences. When you say that you love someone, regardless of who they are or how they are, then you bring yourself into some kind of equalizing relationship with him/her, by wishing for their good, for their flourishing, without requiring a response. Then you are saying something rich. Paul Tillich, I think, refers to this, in a theological context, as “loving action.” When we are in a relationship with the divine, according to Tillich, we are experiencing “loving action,” wherein the two things, “love” and “action,” are somehow identical, wherein both lover and loved are changed, made better, by the process, by the drama.
According to “loving action,” it seems to me, you, Size Four, could love anyone at all. All you have to do is get busy with the project. You could love, as Stephen Stills memorably suggested, the one you’re with. This sort of approach (this loving with or without consideration of the “worthiness” of the object) would obviate the “meant to be” considerations that, despite your wishes, are lurking around generally in the deep space of your letter. In fact, I think “meant to be,” the concept, is a relic of a time when the morals of the state were arrayed against the absolute liberty of love. “Meant to be” implies that you are unlikely taking some time considering from among a pool of reasonably appropriate targets, each as good as another. “Meant to be” implies that you will never tire of your lover, hate everything about him, and find it all grinding and difficult. But love, in the day in and day out of the world in which we live, is always contingent, is always provisional, is always here today, and gone tomorrow, though you may renew it, actively, feel it in its (to use a Colbert-style coinage) verbiness, at any time that you wish to renew it. With the aforementioned loving action. You can love someone else tomorrow, some reasonable party, and you can work on it, just as you worked on this relationship with the economist. Or not. You can do exactly as you wish here, and you can, and ought, do so with a feeling of empowerment, as long as you know that love is good and that you are made better by doing it, by manifesting the verb, actively, instead of casting about for that passive arrangement—“in love.”
If this is all true, if love is active and mutable and if it changes you, constantly, and if you are made different, no matter the target or the object of your affections, doesn’t it follow that you should have no regrets at all? I honestly believe that you should have no regrets at all. And I am talking to myself here, as I say, as much as I am to you. My regrets all have to do with feelings of social failure, as though despite my ambitions for love and work I have failed to meet the minimum of social obligations I am honor bound to observe. But, if I am free to love and work absolutely, are not the “failures” just manifestations of growth and improvement along the path of enlightenment, and doesn’t it therefore follow that I should regret nothing at all?
On the other hand, there is Jason Mraz. I confess that I agree with you about Jason Mraz. Jazon Mraz could be a dealbreaker. Likewise, John Mayer and Jack Johnson. And while I know a Life Coach should refrain from hating on popular musicians in his published column, in this instance I can’t help myself. Maybe you are better off without him.
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
Dear Ex Libris
Dear Rick Moody, Life Coach,
I am writing for advice regarding an aspect of my life that approaches obsession. I am obsessed—not with smoking or porn or drugs or any of the other more vicious vices—but with reading.
This doesn’t sound like much of a problem. But it sometimes feels like a problem. I worry, at times, that my desire to read means missing out. On life. I have children. I have two dogs and a cat and a spouse I really love. Despite my devotion to them and to various friends, I often find myself wishing that I were—instead of playing ping-pong with my 12 year old or enjoying a meal out or walking my two fine dogs—that I were reading. During a nice bike ride around the neighborhood with my family, I wish I were reading. We settle in to watch the occasional excellent episode of Friday Night Lights, and I wish I were reading. I go to bed ridiculously early so I can wake up equally early so I can read for hours before having to deal with “real” life. (We are, in fact, at the beach this week and though I have gamely collected shells and played hearts and watched various DVDs at night, all I want to do is read).
Now, this is no big crisis. My quality of life isn’t adversely affected in any significant way, I don’t think. Nor is the quality of life of my friends or family (for the most part). It’s more that I want a different way to think about my obsession. A healthier, more comfortable way to think about the fact that I really pretty much just want to read all the time. If that makes sense.
With thanks, in advance, for your thoughts,
Ex Libris
Dear Ex Libris,
As far as I’m concerned, you don’t have a problem. Since I know a little bit about addiction—more than I wish I knew—I know and take it as an article of faith that one can be addicted to anything. It is true in my own life. Where the really bad stuff went in my life, back when, there is now a sequence of really annoying minor addictions that almost no one would consider bad (coffee, chocolate chip cookies, Diet Coke), but which manage to be irritants for me. I give up one thing, and another compulsion surges forward to take its place. The addictive fetish item, whether it’s heroin, spirits, prostitutes, gambling, or Diet Coke, can vary in its distinctiveness, and its bad reputation. What matters most is the relationship we have with the item. And that’s how you assess whether you are in the clutches of addiction, according to how you feel.
Chief among the signs of genuine addictive behavior is that the behavior affects family life and/or professional life. These are easy things to identify. If you are actually going on the bike ride with your kids, or you are actually watching Friday Night Lights with your husband, despite your desire to read, and if you are then reading when you can, and if your family knows of and esteems your reading, is not terribly much bothered by it, then your reading is not, in fact, an addictive problem. Let’s say you were addicted to exercise, which is a common compulsion among newly recovering addicts of various stripes: then you would be skipping dinner with the kids, because you had to get in your 12 or 14 miles of running that afternoon, and you would be scheduling your sixth marathon of the year, even though you just had a knee injury last year, or even though your kid is performing in the school play on Sunday. And so on. I think you know all the signs. I think you are sensitive enough to know the signs, or else you would not be writing this letter in the first place.
Reading as an addiction (and it’s distinct in this case from book collecting, which truly is a gentle madness, as others have noted), even if it were your difficulty, has a real upside: it almost always improves you, it takes you somewhere exciting, it renews language in your life, and it often sews a most distinctive happiness wherever it takes up residence. If you got so badly addicted that you had to go read all of Samuel Johnson’s dictionary, or all of The Man Without Qualities or A Dance to the Music of Time, I would say you were a lucky addict. I would envy your addiction. But this is not your situation, not as I understand it.
What I really think you are saying, Ex Libris, is that sometimes family life is boring. What I imagine you are saying is that sometimes ping pong with your 12 year old is not what you have in mind, and that maybe, just maybe, Friday Night Lights is not as good as Vanity Fair or Gravity’s Rainbow. I suspect you are going to argue with my theory here, because no one, least not a parent in a reasonably happy family, is going to come right out and say it—domestic life, while incredibly rewarding in the long run, is, on occasion, boring. This is not necessarily a bad thing. When you commit to your family despite the fact that family life is sometimes boring, you are being both selfless and generous, and the sign of this generosity is that your kids grow up grateful for all you have given them. And you have given a lot. You have given up The Compleat Angler and Invitation to a Beheading and The Monk (I’m trying to include relatively minor works here that I haven’t gotten to yet), and all of the lesser works of Fielding, and the like. I know this is hard. But I also know that you are doing a great job as a parent by compromising here. And when you admit to yourself that you make this choice despite the fact that family life is sometimes boring, you are leading the examined life in a way that is a credit to you.
You are no addict, then, not in my view. You are a supple thinker twice over, a sensitive, because you are a reader, and all readers are supple thinkers, and, moreover, you are wise enough to know that there are times when you have to choose to be otherwise than a reader, for the betterment of those who need you now and again. I think this admirable indeed. Yes, Ex Libris, I admire you. And your letter.
Best wishes, Rick Moody, Life coach.
You, too, can email your life questions to Rick.



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